Caring for a son or daughter with a mental health problem? There’s support for you, too.
Looking after a son or daughter with mental health difficulties can be incredibly demanding. But who looks after you? We find out about a welcoming Islington support group offering mothers friendship, understanding and some much-needed time for themselves.
Caring for someone with mental health problems can be emotionally and physically exhausting. There’s the constant worry, the uncertainty about what might happen next and the feeling that you have to tread very carefully, unsure whether something you say or do might make things worse.
Islington Mind’s Mother to Mother Carers Support Project welcomes mothers supporting sons or daughters with mental health difficulties. It offers a chance to meet others who understand what caring involves and to enjoy some time for yourself.
For many parents, caring is a lifelong responsibility. Their child’s needs may change over the years but the worry and sense of responsibility can remain.
A place where people understand
The mothers supported by this project care for their child whose age ranges from teenagers to adults in their 60s, although most are adults. Some have diagnosed conditions while others experience mental health problems that are less clearly defined.
The group meets in a homely building, complete with a large garden. It feels more like someone’s home than an organisation.
Some of the women have been attending the group for years and many have referred to it as a ‘lifeline’, feeling that other women in the group ‘get them’. There is a shared experience and a premise that everybody’s in a similar predicament, so they don’t have to explain and apologise.
New carers are always welcome. It’s a chance to share experiences with people who understand, without judgement or having to explain everything. There’s also time to chat, laugh and make friends.
More than just a cup of tea
The group meets every Monday from 11am to 3.30pm. People can come and go as they please, with no pressure and no questions asked.
Staff and volunteers are available for a chat and and support, while a cheap, freshly prepared meal is offered for everyone to enjoy together. For many women in the group, this is the only meal that is cooked for them and not by them. They particularly value the opportunity to be cared for and nourished by someone else, something they often miss in their everyday lives.
Time to enjoy yourself
The group also organises activities and outings, including trips to Kew Gardens and creative sessions such as crochet. Materials and resources are available to use and art tutors or other activities can be arranged if the carers in the group are interested and the team is on hand for support and  to help organise activities.
Somewhere that’s just for you
Caring for someone with mental health problems can bring unpredictable ups and downs. There may be periods when things are going well, followed by setbacks that leave carers uncertain about what to do. Encouraging a son or daughter to accept help or establish a routine can be difficult and for some families, additional challenges such as drugs or alcohol use can create further stress.
The responsibility doesn’t necessarily lessen when a son or daughter moves away from home, whether they’re living independently, in supported accommodation or spending time in hospital. Financial pressures can also be significant, particularly for mothers unable to work alongside caring or needing to support their child financially.
Whatever your circumstances, having somewhere where the focus is on you rather than the person you’re caring for can make a real difference.
Interested in joining?
If you’re an Islington resident and a mother supporting a son or daughter with mental health difficulties, the Mother-to-Mother group could be for you. A formal diagnosis isn’t required.
Mondays, 11am–3.30pm
You can refer yourself through the Islington Mind website or call 020 3301 9850 for more information.
The team will have an initial chat with you over the telephone and will invite you to come along, meet other mothers and enjoy some time for yourself.
Need someone to talk to
To discuss challenges of caring – whether practical, financial or emotional, you can always call the Islington Carers Hub helpline on 020 7281 3319 (Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm), use the Islington Carers Hub Chatbot out of hours or email info@islingtoncarershub.org
